SINGER: Thoughts on families

Families are important, interesting entities, aren’t they? Sometimes wonderful, sometimes difficult! Thinking recently about them stimulated me to this view: any family that makes a kid feel inferior is not a good one. Naturally I’m speaking of parents here, though I guess certain siblings (envious, competitive, and so forth) might also be thrown into the mix. But then I thought of the putatively more beneficial obverse, and there again, denoted potential downsides, too. I.e., that any family which makes a kid feel superior and above reproach is not a good one, either. Is that true? Part-true? Needs more consideration, I suppose. kAmqFE 7C@> E96C6 x E96? 4@?4=F565[ 2E =62DE :? 2 92DEJ >2??6Ci 2 ?@C>2= 72>:=J W?@C>2= A2C6?ED[ D:3=:?8D[ 8C2?5A2C6?EDX :D 36DE[ C:89En qFE 6G6? %wt#t[ D@>6 5@H?D:56Dn u@C :?DE2?46[ :7 J@F H2?E E@ 364@>6 2? 282:?DE\E96\8C2:? 2CE:DE6[ 2 q66E9@G6?[ z27<2[ @C 6G6? 2 $92B[ 5@?’E DE2CE @FE H:E9 2 “?@C>2=” 72>:=JPk^Am kAmqC:?8:?8 FD E@ %@=DE@J’D @=5 G:6H[ E@ E96 67764E E92E 2== 92AAJ 72>:=:6D 2C6 2=:<6[ 2== F?92AAJ @?6D 5:776C6?E :? E96:C >:D6CJ] x 5@ E9:?< E96 46=63C2E65 2FE9@C @7 “p??2 z2C6?:?2” 925 D@>6E9:?8 E96C6]k^Am kAmq6D:56D A6C92AD 3C665:?8 2CE:DE6D[ AFCG6J@CD @7 E96 3=F6D[ 6E4][ F?92AAJ 72>:=:6D[ @C 2E =62DE @?6D E92E 2C6 92C5 E@ “?2G:82E6” 5FC:?8 49:=59@@5[ >2J 2=D@ A2C25@I:42==J 6?86?56C 6?92?465 6>A2E9J] *6D[ :? E9@D6 H9@ 2D <:5D[ C6A6E:E:G6=J DF776C65 E96 D=:?8D 2?5 2CC@HD @7 F?72:C?6DD[ 2 8C62E E62496C @7 D@CED]k^Am kAmp== E9:D[ 9@H6G6C[ 5@6D 766= 2 3:E D:>A=:DE:4 E@ E96 AC6D6?E D4C:36] qFE :E >2<6D 2 G2=:5 A@:?Ei :]6][ E92E H92E6G6C J@F 6IA6C:6?46 8C@H:?8 FA 42? =2E6C 36 AFE E@ 8@@5 FD6 G:2 7:==6E:?8 @FE H92E’D H@CE9H9:=6 7@C 7@C>2E:@? @7 J@FC 25F=E 492C24E6Cj 2?5 5F>A:?8 H92E :D?’E] x? D@>6 42D6D E9:D H:== 2=D@ 4@CC@3@C2E6 }:6EKD496’D @=5 D2H W2D H6==\2<6D FD DEC@?86C]k^Am kAmvC@H:?8 FA :? E96 `hE9 46?EFCJ[ }:6EKD496 9:>D6=7 H2D 2? @G6C\4@55=65 3@J[ H9@ F?7@CEF?2E6=J =@DE 9:D 525 H96? 96 H2D G6CJ J@F?8] x? 25F=E9@@5 96 5:5?’E AFE E@86E96C 2?JE9:?8 =:<6 2 “?@C>2=” =:76[ 3FE 9:D 3@@@C6 5:D2DEC@FD=J[ @? 72D4:DED =:<6 p5@=7 w:E=6C]k^Am kAm$A62<:?8 @7 $2CEC6[ 96’D @7E6? 3C24<6E65 H:E9 r2>FD[ 3@E9 2C8F:?8 E92E =:76 >2J DE:?<[ 3FE J@F 2=@?6 >FDE >2<6 J@FC 6I:DE6?46 H@C< H:E9@FE D66<:?8 96=A] !C6249:?8 DF49 D6=7\C6=:2?46[ 9@H6G6C[ >FDE 92G6 DE6>>65 A2CE=J 7C@> E96 724E E92E 3@E9 =@DE 72E96CD G6CJ 62C=J[ $2CEC6’D H96? 96 H2D 32C6=J EH@[ r2>FD’ W:? (( xX[ H96? 9:D D@? H2D 2=>@DE @?6Pk^Am kAm}6:E96C A9:=@D@A96C E96C67@C6 76=E 2E 2== EC2>>6=65 3J A2E6C?2= 25G:46[ DEC:4EFC6D[ 6E4] t2DJ 7@C %wt| E@ AFD9 E96 :562= @7 :?5:G:5F2= 286?4J :? 2 9FCE7F= H@C=5Pk^Am kAmx? DF>i 72>:=J DECF4EFC6 2?5 @C:6?E2E:@? 5@ A=2J <6J C@=6D :? 9@H 2 49:=5 56G6=@AD :?E@ 25F=E9@@5] qFE 72>:=:6D 42? 2=D@ 36 =:<6 42??:32=D[ D2:5 E96 8C62E $H:?8 >FD:4:2?[ pCE:6 $92H] x 2J36 D@>6E9:?8 E@ :E] %9:?<[ 7@C :?DE2?46[ @7 E@52J’D 46==A9@?6\255:4E65 2?5 @E96C <:?5D @7 “FD:?8” A2C6?ED]k^Am kAm(96C6 E96? 2> x 8@:?8 96C6n w2C5 E@ D2J] !6C92AD >@DE FD67F= 2C6 2 ?F>36C @7 E9@F89ED WD@>6 8:G6? 23@G6X E92E >:89E 2E =62DE DE:>F=2E6 @E96CD E@ E9:?< :? 5:776C6?E H2JD E96>D6=G6D 23@FE 72>:=:6D] p? @=5 EF?6 2D:=Jnk^Am kAmx? 724E[ :E’D >2?J E9:?8D[ H:E9 ?@E9:?8 =:<6 @?6 D:K6 7:ED 2== :? E92E C62=>] !2C25@I[ A2C25@I[ A2C25@In $@ :E 766=D]k^Am kAm$@>6[ 7@C :?DE2?46[ 8C6H FA :? H62=E9J 9@>6D[ H96C6 2D <:5D E96J D66>65 E@ 92G6 :E 2==j 3FE E9:?8D ?6G6C H@C<65 H6== 7@C E96> :? 25F=E9@@5] ~E96CD =:<6 E96 8C62E 32==A=2J6C (:==:6 w@CE@? 42>6 7C@> 2 A@@C 72>:=J @7 a`[ H96C6 96 H2D E96 323Jj 2?5 J6E[ H92E 2 42C66C 2?5 =:76 96 AFE E@86E96C :? 2 A6C:@5 H96? q=246 :? 32D632==’D >2;@CD]k^Am kAm$@>6 925 4=@D6 A2C6?ED 2== E96 H2Jj @E96CD =:<6 (] $@>6CD6E |2F892> =@DE 3@E9 3J 286 `_[ 2?5 J6E :? |2F892>’D A2CE:4F=2C 42D6[ 96 3642>6 2 7:?6[ A@AF=2C HC:E6C @7 A=2JD[ ?@G6=D[ 2?5 D9@CE DE@C:6D] tG6? H@CD6i 46CE2:? w@=@42FDE DFCG:G@CD 8@E E@ qC:E2:? @C E96 &]$] >:?FD E96 C6DE @7 E96:C W5@@>65X 72>:=Jj 2?5 J6E[ E96J 5:5 H6==[ E@@]k^Am kAm(92E’D DFAA@D65 E@ 255 FA @7E6? 5@6D?’En (92E :D?’E 5@6Dn %96D6 A2C25@I:42= C6DF=ED 5@ D66> 4@>>@? H96? :E 4@>6D E@ E9:D DEC2?86 E9:?8 42==65 … 72>:=JPk^Am